I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL
by SlayerGrl with TheChosenOne
Summary: "I promise I'll be quick and that it won't be...well...of course it will be painful." Patch smirked, a grin forming on his lips and his eyes became blacker than ever. He looked evil. So so evil. From that moment I knew this couldn't be Patch, he couldn't be that evil, Could he?
1. Run, Run, my dear Angel

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 1**

_**'Run, Run, my dear Angel.'**_

* * *

_Run._

I ran as fast as my legs could take me, my hair flying all over the place, the cold breeze rushed through me and gave me goosebumps. My feet started to ache and burn with the pain, I could feel blisters forming on my feet and I cried in pain quietly and kept running. I heard footsteps behind me, they immediately send shivers down my spine. I tried to ignore them and kept running further away, jumping over rocks and fallen branches on the ground.  
_I tripped.  
_I tried to crawl to the nearest tree so I could hide behind it hoping the footsteps wouldn't see me. The tree was only about 12 meters away from me however when I began to crawl to it a pair of cold hands grabbed my leg. I screamed as hard as I could which after a while made my throat dry and hurt. I could only hope someone heard me but I knew they wouldn't, I was in a forest by myself with an attacker and no-one would ever find me.

I turned to face my attacker and saw his black eyes, black eyes that starred into me like daggers...although these eyes looked dangerous they looked familiar too, so very familiar.  
"P-Patch?" my voice shaky and cracking with fear.

_Why would Patch attack me? Did he know it was me? Why would he attack anyone? Why was he in the woods?!_

All these thoughts started to give me a headache, I pushed them away and stared at Patch with a confused look on my face.  
"What are you doing here?" Patch asked coldly, he didn't sound like himself and I knew he didn't want me to be here. I just didnt know why. I _needed_ to know why he was here, I just needed to know...  
"I should ask _you_ the same question." I raised my chin a little to show confidence and bravery but failed because I was still pretty shaken up.  
Patch took a step towards me, and another and another. I was slightly relieved that my 'attacker' was Patch not some psychopath however when I saw the shiny, and to be even more descriptive, pointy object in Patch's hand I slowly started to change my mind about the whole psychopath idea...  
"P-Patch? W-What are you doing?" I started to move back and tears sprang my eyes. _Was I crying from fear or shock? Maybe both.  
_"I promise I'll be quick and that it won't be...well...of course it will be painful." Patch smirked, a grin forming on his lips and his eyes became blacker than ever. He looked evil. So so evil.  
From that moment I knew this couldn't be Patch, he couldn't be that evil, _Could he?_  
"Who are you and what have you done with my Patch?!" I was shaking so hard I could barely hear my own voice because of how afraid I was. Patch bend down next to me and stroked my cheek gently, his hand so cold, so so very cold. I pulled back instantly and gave Patch a disgusted look in addition I kicked him hard in the leg hoping he would fall, he didnt, Patch grabbed me by my hair and dragged me with him, his laugh was so clear that it echoed through out the woods, it was the only thing I could hear except from my own heart pounding.  
"Stop struggling!" Patch demanded. I stiffened and did what I was told, I was in too much of a shock to scream, it was impossible for me to get away and I knew that.

_This is not Patch! Patch would never do this! He is good! This...this thing is a monster who stole Patch's face! But if he isn't Patch...where is Patch?_


	2. Is he the man I truly fell in love with?

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 2**

_**'Is he the man I truly fell in love with?'**_

___Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

"Stop struggling!" Patch demanded. I stiffened and did what I was told, I was in too much of a shock to scream, it was impossible for me to get away and I knew that.

_This is not Patch! Patch would never do this! He is good! This...this thing is a monster who stole Patch's face! But if he isn't Patch...where is Patch?_

**_Now:_**

* * *

_Stop._

"Let me go! Patch please!" I kept screaming, I wanted him to let me go.  
"Shut up or I'll cut your tongue out!" Patch snaps. I stayed still and cried softly trying to stay quiet like Patch told me. Patch heard my cries and stopped walking.  
"You think I want to do this? You think I have a choice?!," This was Patch talking, the _real_ Patch "I wanted you to hate me before..." He stopped and let me go.  
"Run. Run and don't ever look back. This is the only way you won't have to carry this burden around with you...,"  
_What burden? What was he talking about?_  
"Please don't come back, don't come looking for me, for your own safety, Angel. Just run." He took my hands into his and pressed his lips against mine hardly but softly at the same time. His kiss was seductive, intensive and _unforgettable._  
"Go." He said and pulled away. I was frozen with the fear of never seeing Patch again, I simply couldn't move. Everything was so blurry around me and I could barely feel Patch's arms trying to shake me out of...lets say my own little world.  
"Nora! Nora, snap out of it!" Patch kept shaking me until the point I was in tears, the tears weren't from the pain of how hard he shook me but the pain of my heart being ripped out of my chest. _Heartbreak.  
_"Don't leave me..?" I asked, I couldn't live without Patch, I just couldn't. Living without Patch is like not breathing, I'd die. I flung myself into his arms and let the tears flow, Patch's arms were wrapped around me protectively and I could hear the footsteps of people running. I looked up at Patch and saw by his face expression that he knew there was no way of escaping- escaping whatever we were escaping from- and that we would have to do the things that were lined up for us.

"Please, we still might have time." Patch was getting more impatient by every second. He knew that _this thing_ or _things_ were getting closer. I shook my head and snuggled into his arms, he was so cold however I didn't care, just by his touch I felt safe.  
"Look what we have here," Said a voice behind me and Patch, I wanted to turn around and look although I knew that when I did all of this would be true. Patch held me so tightly I thought I was going to suffocate, it looked like he didn't want me to see this /man/ or thing with a human voice.  
"Patch?" I asked almost silently, he looked down at me with a tear rolling down his cheek.

_I've never seen Patch cry...ever. This really must be serious._

"Shh, shh. Everything is going to be okay.." Patch sounded uncertain of himself. He stroked my back softly and I couldn't help myself but cry.  
"I thought you were going to make her hate you, Jev. Looks like you changed your mind." I could hear the smirk on his face.  
"Did you tell her? Did you tell her what you have to do? What _she_ had to go through?" I couldn't stand listening to this doushebag anymore! I had to do something!  
I pushed myself away from Patch and walked up to _this thing's_ face.  
"What?! What is Patch going to do?! What am _I _going to go through?!" Patch instantly grabbed my wrist and started to pull me back to the place we stood before in. I instantly pulled my wrist back but he grabbed it again and held it tightly to the point in _nearly _hurt.  
"Patch let me go! I need to know! I have the right to know!" I pulled my wrist away from Patch and walked back in front of _this thing's_ face.  
"Aren't you a naughty one, trying to pull away when the father of your soon-to-be-conceived child is only trying to help you." A wide grin formed on his face. He looked strangely familiar...too familiar in fact.  
"Gabe?" My face was burning hot with fury. _Gabe was our threat? No way. Patch could take him on any minute_.  
"Yup. Oh and did you get what I meant?" He still wore that grin on his face. He made me sick. Everything about Gabe made me want to puke. His hair which was now black, his shark tooth necklace still on him and of course that grin. I just wanted to puke all over that. I _really_ needed to puke...  
When I didn't respond Gabe looked up and down at me still having that ugly grin on his pale face.  
"You do know _that_ dress," He pointed his finger at my white summer dress "won't fit you in _9 months_ right?" I just wanted to slap his face and run away with Patch to a place where we would never see Gabe again. Therefore I closed my eyes for a second and imagined. I imagined that one day me and Patch would be married, not a white wedding but the wedding that nobody would ever forget, something special. A Honeymoon in Hawaii, I imagined sunbathing on the beach while Patch massaged my back. Maybe even a family, a daughter or a son but in the future of course, although I have no idea if Patch would ever want kids. _Would he be up for the idea of becoming a father in the future?_  
I snapped out of my little daydream and looked at Gabe who was now smirking.  
"What?! I'm not...," I paused realising _exactly_ what Gabe was talking about "I'm _not_ pregnant! Do I look pregnant to you?!" My face turned red from how furious I was. Gabe just laughed.  
"Is this funny to you?! Because it sure hell isn't to me!" I was about to slap Gabe but he grabbed my wrist before I could even raise it.  
"Not yet you're not." My mind tried to put everything together but there was still a big piece missing from the information I knew. I didn't even know if I actually did know anything. Patch saw Gabe holding my wrist and was about to run to attack him.  
"Take one more step and that delicate hand of hers will have a cast on it." Gabe squeezed my hand tight, so tight tears started to from in my eyes. He held me like this, I knew I couldn't get away. Patch put his hands in front of him as if he was defending something.  
"Okay okay, just let her go." Patch sighed, a small strap of curly hair fell on his face but he didn't care. I cried out in pain and kicked his Gabe's foot.  
"Nora don't!" Patch was too late with his warning about kicking him, Gabe however knew exactly what I was going to do and twisted my hand to the point where I heard a snap. He let me go and I dropped to the ground holding my broken hand.  
"Are you crazy?! It's broken! I told you that no harm will come to her! _No_ harm." Patch sounded angry, I have never witnessed Patch angry. Whenever he became angry I would normally just go to our room and read a book waiting for him to calm down.  
"Patch, I'm fine.." I wasn't fine but I was already stressed too much to see Patch being angry that I just wanted to calm him down.  
"Shutup!" Patch snapped. I backed away a little. Never have I seen Patch _that_ angry. Of course I witnessed some events when he would get mad but never something like this. For some reason I broke down crying, I was ashamed for being in love with him.

_Oh god why would I even think that?! Of course I'm not ashamed of being in love with Patch I'm just scared and want to go home nothing else other than that!_


	3. Little girls, listen to your mothers

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 3**

_**'Little girls should listen to their mothers.'**_

_Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

"Patch, I'm fine.." I wasn't fine but I was already stressed too much to see Patch being angry that I just wanted to calm him down.

"Shutup!" Patch snapped. I backed away a little. Never have I seen Patch /that/ angry. Of course I witnessed some events when he would get mad but never something like this. For some reason I broke down crying, I was ashamed for being in love with him.

_Oh god why would I even think that?! Of course I'm not ashamed of being in love with Patch I'm just scared and want to go home nothing else other than that!_

**_Now:_**

* * *

_Scars._

"Now look what you've done, Jev. You scared the poor kid." Gabe sounded sweet...which was strange. _"Don't always believe what you hear nor see."_ He told me. It nearly sounded like a whisper.**  
**I wasn't sure by what Gabe meant and I desperately wanted to know.  
"Has he ever showed you his scars?" Gabe asked me whilst bending over next to me looking deeply into my eyes as if wanting me to answer right away.  
"_**Scars**_? I know about his wing scars if that's what you mean.." I had no idea what Gabe was on about. Another part of the puzzle I will never solve added.  
"Yes _scars_. Not wing scars. _Battle scars_." Gabe looked over my shoulder and gave Patch the you-should-have-told-her look. At that moment I looked over at Patch who was leaning against a tree with no emotion showing on his face nor body posture.  
Gabe let out a _almost_ hysterical laugh before speaking. "He hasn't told you has he?"  
"Told me what?" Gabe looked at Patch one more time then back at me.  
"He has been hiding his true self from you the whole time. He has scars all over him. His face. His arms. His chest. _Everywhere._" I raised an eyebrow giving Gabe the look I would give to a crazy person.  
"Are you blind?," I asked sharply "He has no scars except the ones on his back."  
"That's what he wants you to think." Gabe smirked once again. I turned to face Patch who was still leaning against the tree.  
"Patch? What scars?" I asked him hoping he'll tell me. Doubtful.  
"None of your business, Angel." He said sharply and coldly with slight guilt slipping in his voice. "You're not involved in this. And I don't want you to be."  
"But...but-"  
"No buts, Nora. Just go home and sleep." Patch cut me off before I could finish my sentence. He gave Gabe a pleading look and Gabe let out a sigh with a uncertain nod agreeing to whatever that look meant.

I just stood there totally confused. I had _no clue_ what so ever of what just happened.


	4. The Unbeatable Threat

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 4**

_**'The Unbeatable Threat.'**_

_Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

"Patch? What scars?" I asked him hoping he'll tell me. Doubtful.  
"None of your business, Angel." He said sharply and coldly with slight guilt slipping in his voice. "You're not involved in this. And I don't want you to be."  
"But...but-"  
"No buts, Nora. Just go home and sleep." Patch cut me off before I could finish my sentence. He gave Gabe a pleading look and Gabe let out a sigh with a uncertain nod agreeing to whatever that look meant.

I just stood there totally confused. I had _no clue_ what so ever of what just happened.

_**Now:**_

* * *

_Listen._

_Patch gave Gabe a pleading look and Gabe nodded? I mean come on! Who does that?! There had to be an explanation for this. One minute I'm running in the woods for no reason the next Patch is attacking me? And Gabe shows up out of nowhere?! Then Patch has some random scars I can't see?! No! But wait...Gabe mentioned something about a baby..?_

"Take her home. If you and the kid," He laughed "Maybe I shouldn't call her a kid anymore." Gabe winked at me and I moved slightly back towards Patch. I was angry, afraid, still hurt with my broken hand too. "Like I was saying...If you and your _Angel_ don't show up tomorrow at...let's say midnight, you'll regret it." Gabe smirked. I hated that smirk. The way he said 'Angel' send shivers down my spine, Patch was the only one who could call me Angel. The _only_ one.  
"I'm not going anywhere. You can forget it. When I go home tonight I'm calling the police and-"  
"She's just a little tired, she needs her rest. We'll see you tomorrow at midnight." I hated it when Patch cut me off, it was extremely annoying. Gabe rolled his eyes clearly annoyed at my comment.  
"Oh she better need her rest. Those painful and horrible months won't be great for her, she's such a delicate little girl. I wonder how she will feel? Did she even do it before? She'll hate you tomorrow especially after you..." Gabe didn't say anything else knowing that if he did I would know exactly what was happening and would probably run. Which is pointless because I would get caught in minutes but...I least I would of tried.

Patch took me home. My mum wasn't home, she...she _**died**_ last month, she had lung cancer. I wouldn't have been able to keep the house if Patch hand't given me the money. He said that this will be our home, were old memories will be replaced with new, bad with good but now...more of them are bad than good, no, _all_ of them are bad.

At home Patch ran me a bath and locked all the doors and windows, of course he kept the keys with him so I couldn't get out. Little did Patch know I knew every inch of this house like I know my own name which meant I knew a secret escape door. That escape door was built in this house in the 1940s and it was for shelter if there was a bomb attack. I went down into the basement which scared the crap out of me since I was a little girl, turned on the light switch and locked the door behind me.

The basement was dusty, had spiders nearly everywhere and in addition there was plenty of cardboard boxes which looked like they were here for a long long time piled up near the brick wall.  
I started to look around for the door but I couldn't find it, it was as if the door disappeared out of thin air. Suddenly I herd my name being called out, I knew it was Patch calling after me, I also knew that he wasn't afraid of me escaping because he locked me in, literally. Patch held the keys that locked everything in the house and I couldn't get out. _Or could I?  
_"Angel? Angel?! Nora!" I wanted to cry and ran into Patch's arms hoping everything was going to be okay however I knew that wasn't the option.  
"Nora! Where are you?!," He shouted, I could hear his footsteps creak underneath the floorboards.  
"Look," Patch sighed "I know you must be scared and unsure of what's happening but please just come out of hiding and I _promise_ to tell you _everything._" I was tempted to come out run into his warm, protective arms but I knew that _if_ I did that although he promised, he wouldn't tell me anything that would help.

After a while of silence I heard things such as; vases, getting smashed. Everytime something got smashed it would make me jump and make her heart pound.  
I have finally found the door however there was one problem.  
It needed a key.

_I was afraid, so very afraid._


	5. The Hate Between Us

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 5**

_**'The Hate Between Us'**_

_Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

After a while of silence I heard things such as; vases, getting smashed. Everytime something got smashed it would make me jump and make her heart pound.  
I have finally found the door however there was one problem.  
It needed a key.

_I was afraid, so very afraid._

**_Now:_**

* * *

_Key.  
_  
I knew I wouldn't be able to find the key down here because from what I could remember as a child the rusty old key belonging to my 'secret escape door' was sitting in my kitchen drawer. I can remember how it looked like...How I played around with it when I was a little girl, my mum always used to shout at me and say

_"Nora! If that key gets lost your father won't be happy!"_

_**I miss you, mum.**  
_

"Nora! Where the hell are you?! Do you not understand that if you and I don't show up in..," I could of bet he checked the time on our old fashioned wall clock that stood in-between the kitchen and the hallway. "Twelve hours where Gabe wants us, he'll track you down and kill you!" I could hear him pacing around the house looking for me.

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." _I murmured softly knowing if I spoke any louder he might hear. _God damn him for being a Fallen Angel with his senses sharpened._

Patch sounded so mad that a fearful tear ran down my cheek. The fear of what would happen if he found me was so strong I had to force myself to stop more tears from coming.

I gave up. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stay here forever and just imagine that one day my 'secret escape door' will open.

I walked up to the stairs that started to creak under my weight, my legs shaky and unable to stop themselves from wobbling. About half way as I stepped on yet another creaky stair I heard a loud _squeak/creak_ and suddenly my leg sunk into the stair. I let out a high pitched scream and within a second I felt his arms wrapped around me, pulling me up. _It was Patch.  
_"Angel..." He trailed off. Patch spoke so gently, it felt like that angry side of him was now gone...that it never existed but deep inside I knew that I will see that anger again. I just knew it.  
I looked up and saw that Patch's muscles were tensed, angry. I looked down again and buried my face into his chest. I murmured my apologies over and over again but he didn't do anything except hold me. I started to cough as the dust from the basement travelled onto my face. I could her Patch exhale a sigh. I felt his warm, protective and not to mention strong arms lift me off the ground. It snuggled closer to him. And felt the guilt wash over me. I felt so god damn guilty for scaring him like that, he could of thought I was dead, kidnapped and I was just in the basement chilling looking for me 'secret escape door' which had no key.  
"Patch..." I trailed on. I didn't know what to say. I should keep apologising...but for what really? I shouldn't be feeling guilty. I should be furious. Patch was meant to be feeling guilty, he is keeping secrets from me. Horrible secrets that I desperately want to know.  
"You should take a bath, the water is already ready. Then, sleep."

After taking a bath...a very uncomfortable bat that encountered Patch being inside the bathroom just so I don't do anything, as he likes to say "stupid". I asked him to at least turn his back to me, after almost fifteen minutes of arguing he agreed. I uncomfortably and awkwardly washed myself. I felt so embarrassed, so humiliated that I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Even more dumb and awkward for me was that I washed my hair which took at least twice as long as having to wash.

Patch escorted me back into my bedroom, there was quiet big lock on it. _No way in hell is he locking me in my room! No! He can't do that!_

I started to back away, Patch realised and grabbed my wrist so tightly I thought it was going to break.  
"Ow.." I mutter under my breath and look over at Patch who seemed emotionless. He loosen his grip on my wrist just a little probably because he heard my stupid _'Ow..'_ sound.  
"Don't lock me in there, please, I don't want to be alone. Patch please." I could of bet I looked like one of those puppies on TV that needed a home, they wanted something, Well I just didn't want to be locked in my room!  
"Nora you know I can't do that. You don't understand. Its for your own good." He looked sad. Patch finally felt guilty. I could see it in those big black eyes of his.  
"Then I'll do something as you like to say "stupid." and then we'll see if you still want the door locked." I smirked lightly. Of course I wouldn't be so stupid to even think about! _Why would Patch even think I would?_  
His eyes widened at what I said, he quickly pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. I was so confused by this point I actually wanted to cry but I didn't dare shed a tear.  
"Why would you say that, Angel?" Patch looked straight down at me, I didn't want to look up but his long, soft fingers lifted my chin up a little so that I could look at him.  
"Angel? Please, promise me you'll never hurt yourself, as much as you might want to in the first few months don't do it. Promise me you won't." His voice so soft and tender, I thought I was going to fly away with those words lifting me up to the cloudy sky. But...I didn't understand what he meant. None of it.

_Why would I want to hurt myself? Has he gone mad? What happens in the next few months...?_

I have a feeling I won't like any of the answers, if he ever does give them to me.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for taking so long! I had a lot on my mind this month! I'll try to update every week! Once or twice (if I can). Thank you to all those people who read this! Love you! :* :D :)**


	6. The Archangels Return

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 6**

_**'The Archangels Return'**_

_Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

"Angel? Please, promise me you'll never hurt yourself, as much as you might want to in the first few months don't do it. Promise me you won't." His voice so soft and tender, I thought I was going to fly away with those words lifting me up to the cloudy sky. But...I didn't understand what he meant. None of it.

_Why would I want to hurt myself? Has he gone mad? What happens in the next few months...?_

I have a feeling I won't like any of the answers, if he ever does give them to me.

**_Now:_**

* * *

_Leave._

After over an hour of arguing about "Why I shouldn't be locked inside my own room" Patch finally said that he'll stay with me. To be honest I didn't want him to, I was too mad. Too upset. Too _damn _confused.  
Patch hanged the key to my room over his neck. I had to pretend to be asleep for two or more hours just so I could steal the key around Patch's neck when he fell asleep and get the hell out of here. Once I thought I knew Patch was asleep I softly leaned over him, my hands were shaking, I didn't know if he was really asleep or if this was some kind of a trick to see if I would take the opportunity to grab the key and run.

When I was absolutely certain that Patch was sleeping I leaned over him, my hair falling to both sides of my face but I didn't care, I needed that key. My hands began to shake when I got close to Patch's neck but I managed to control them. I finally got hold of the key, the problem was how was I going to get it off Patch's neck?  
I slowly began to pull on the necklace, it was a thin thread so I thought it would break, it did. I was so pleased with myself I wanted to jump but I didn't want to wake Patch up. I slowly and carefully got out of bed hoping Patch was still asleep and walked to my bedroom door. I put the key into the keyhole and turned back one last time to see Patch however he wasn't there. I wanted to call out his name but that would be a stupid thing because I'm trying to runaway.

A tall, dark and slim shadow reflected from an object to the ground. I knew there was no way I could escape now. _No way._  
"Angel." Patch's voice sounded strict and firm. _Time to put on my sad puppy dog eyes._  
"Patch-" I began but got cut off straight away.  
"Save it Nora. You tried to runaway. Again." I felt heartbroken, I wanted to cry right then and there but I'm not going to be weak, I have to fight it.  
"But..I-" I tried to explain myself. How I was scared, How I wanted to know what was happening, How I just wanted to be a normal girl with a normal boyfriend...At least the type of normal boyfriend that wouldn't lie to me nor lock me in my own room without even telling me why he was doing it.  
"Nora, I said save it. Go back to bed and sleep, you don't have a lot of time before we have to get ready to meet Gabe." As Patch stepped away from me and gestured his hand so I knew I should go to bed and sleep, I made a run for it instead.

Of course Patch knew me too well and knew I was going to run so he caught me. His arms wrapped around my waist tightly while I struggled to get out of his grip.  
"Angel..." Patch spoke into my ear so softly, so tenderly I really was in tears although I still wasn't giving up.  
"Let me go! Patch! Let. Me. Go!" I kicked. I screamed. I punched. I wouldn't give up.  
"Nora! Stop struggling!" Patch's voice shook me but I didn't stop. After I screamed and shouted;  
"Patch! You're hurting me!" He immediately let me go. I fell to the ground because I was relying on Patch holding me before, I looked at him with a pained look, put my hand on my waist and let the tears flow. Patch stood in-front of me in shock, he didn't know he hurt me...because he actually didn't. I needed to lie to get out, I had to.  
"Nora..I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.." He trailed off, I felt so guilty I started really crying. _Ugh. I hated to cry._

By the look on Patch's face he really was worried. I took a deep breath and ran. Patch was so confused, he thought I was hurt when I really was fine. He was so confused that I actually managed to escape him. I started turning the key fast and when the door opened I was ready to run yet again but...

Patch's arms wrapped themselves around me tightly, I thought I was going to break something. I really was hurting now.  
"Patch! Let me go! It hurts! Please!" I scratched at his hands, I dug my nails into them but he didn't let go. My waist was hurting me so badly I knew I was going to have a bruise tomorrow.  
"I'm supposed to believe you now, am I?" He smirked. An evil smirk. I haven't seen that smirk in some time...a long time.  
"P-Patch?" I was beginning to shake, I was so scared and then all of a sudden I was pinned against the wall with Patch's lips pressed against mine hard. I melted into that kiss, I haven't kissed him in days and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. Patch immediately picked me and I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly. A small moan escaped my mouth as I felt his hands move up and down my body. This tingling feeling rushed over me suddenly, it felt cold, evil even.  
"Patch?" I said breaking the kiss. I didn't want to break it but I needed to, this was important.  
"What?" He snapped. This didn't sound like him. Nothing like the Patch I knew.  
"I think we should stop..." I didn't want to but if Patch acted like this there was no way in hell I was going to go through with this.  
"You what?" Nope. This is not Patch.

_Run Nora! Run!_

I pulled myself back from him and tried to get past him. 'Patch' wouldn't let me go and that's when I knew that _my Patch_ was gone. He wasn't here.  
"You're not going anywhere, _Angel._" His voice was cold and harsh. Nothing like the Patch I know. I began to bang my hands on his chest but he just laughed in my face.  
"Oh Angel, you're never going to escape." He leaned in closer to me, his lips next to my ear, I could feel his warm breath on my ear as he said;  
"You're _never_ leaving."

I realised that I might of possibly fell asleep in those two hours of me trying to stay awake and that something might of happened to Patch or...This is just a dream. _A nightmare._


	7. The First Time

**"I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL."**

**Chapter 7**

_**'The First Time'**_

_Previously on "I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE, ANGEL.":_

"Oh Angel, you're never going to escape." He leaned in closer to me, his lips next to my ear, I could feel his warm breath on my ear as he said;  
"You're _never_ leaving."

I realised that I might of possibly fell asleep in those two hours of me trying to stay awake and that something might of happened to Patch or...This is just a dream. _A nightmare._

**_Now:_**

* * *

I kept screaming. All of a sudden I felt cold hands on my shoulders trying to shake me out of my lucid...Whatever this was.

"Wake up! Angel, please wake up!" The pain of his hands shaking my shoulders was bad, not too bad but it still hurt.  
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed. I kicked. I punched. I even tried to run for the door but Patch caught me before I could even move.  
"Nora! It was only a nightmare! Calm down." I wanted to believe him but it felt too real to be a dream. I felt everything like I was...I don't even know.  
"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I didn't know whether it was a dream or not now...Something was clouding my mind and I knew that Patch was doing this.  
"Its for your own good." And just like that, I forgot everything about last night's _incident._

* * *

"Angel." I heard someone murmur in my ear. It sounded like a male voice.  
"Hmm?" I didn't bother opening my eyes because I knew it was Patch. And I felt safe with him. _Or did I?  
_"Angel, we need to leave. Now." Ugh. I didn't want to get up, I just got comfortable in my bed.  
I snuggled up deeper in bed. It felt so warm and cuddly, I loved the feeling of laying in bed thinking like nothing could go wrong-that's when I felt myself being pulled away from the warmth of my bed.  
"Nora," His voice deep and stern. I hated that voice. It was so serious unlike the soft tender voice Patch spoke into my ear only a few minutes ago. "We need to go. Gabe is waiting for us. We're already _late_."  
I didn't give a rat's ass about Gabe however I cared about Patch and I _knew_ that he would be the one to get in trouble for being late, not me.

I got up half asleep looking at Patch who could be described in just one word right now. '_Damn'_  
That messy _dark dark_ brown hair of his, that muscular chest with those abs you just can't take your eyes off, that earthy and minty smell that he always smelled of and of course; _those boxers_ _of his._

* * *

**-Flashback-**  
_I made him buy Batman boxers- which he refused to buy- but after threatening never to kiss him again he pushed in front of the line and quickly bought them. I couldn't help myself but laugh at this. Of course I would continue to kiss him, I bet I couldn't even last a day without him kissing me. And I knew that Patch knew that, he just decided to play along for the fun of it._

_When we were watching the one and only first ever Batman movie Patch made me close my eyes. I did and couldn't help myself but giggle._  
_"Why are you laughing?" I could hear that smirk forming on his lips, those seductive lips of his._  
_"No reason." I continued to giggle, I couldn't help myself.  
__"Um...okay..?" He was such a tease. He knew exactly why I was laughing. I mean who wouldn't if their boyfriend was tickling your thigh and made you close your eyes?  
__"Just keep them closed." I did as I was told but when I heard a sort of...I can't really describe it sound, like a plastic bag being opened up.  
__"Take your top off." His voice sounded so sexy as he whispered in my ear leaving his hot breath behind. __I didn't know what to say or do. Of course I've taken my top off in front of Patch several times but he never did anything. He never wanted to push me into something I wasn't ready to do. I granted Patch's request and took off my top slowly just to tease Patch a little. I could hear him growl quietly wanting the fabric off of me already.  
__I finally took off the top. It was quiet chilly in the living room but I didn't say anything. I felt Patch's warm hands travel along my back to where my bra strap was...I could feel him wanting to take it off of me and then it clicked.  
__"Don't worry, Angel. I'm not looking." I jumped just a little, I felt the bra loose on my breasts now. I tightened my arms together against my body so it wouldn't fall but Patch already took it off.  
__"I have my eyes closed, I promise. Just lift your arms up, Angel. I don't bite." And with those last three words I could hear that sexy smirk of his forming yet again on his lips. I for once didn't move. I felt cold and embarrassed. I never really felt confident about the way my body looked, except my 'barstool legs'.  
__"Angel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.." He said slightly awkwardly which made me feel guilty. Yes I took my top off in front of Patch but never my bra or anything else that revealed anything more.  
__"No, it's fine. Patch, just carry on..." I said slightly awkwardly too and lifted my arms up in the air just like he wanted me to. I heard a small sigh escape his gorgeous lips as a piece of fabric was placed on my breasts instead of my bra. It was still a bra though. Not the same one I had before because this one was much more comfortable and much more softer than my old one.  
__He clipped the bra strap and pressed his lips against mine as if he thought that if he kissed me any harder I would break into a million pieces.  
__"You can open your eyes now," He mumbled against my lips. "Angel." And that's how he finished hi_s_ sentence.  
__I opened my eyes and immediately looked down to see what has been put on my body. It was a Batman bra! I couldn't stop laughing, Patch would buy me something like this? This wasn't anything like Patch...I was scared that maybe he would want something in return.  
__"I don't want anything in return." He said seriously looking at me and I knew he must of read my mind. Patch only had his Batman boxers on. And I wished he put on a shirt and jeans because I just couldn't help myself to stare.  
__"See anything you like, Angel?" Patch asked with his seductive voice. I couldn't stand it. He was turning me on so badly right now that I just wanted to kiss him and never let go. Plus I would show him by 'Batman Moves' whilst holding him down with only those boxers.  
__"Maybe, Maybe n-" I was cut off by Patch's lips crashing into mine. That sensation of the kiss and being half naked with Patch sent shivers down my spine and I was beginning to boil up with eagerness for him.  
Patch slowly pulled away and gave me back my shirt. I was confused, I didn't want it to stop, I wanted him. Didn't he want me?_

_"You must be tired. Go to sleep." Patch said through gritted teeth. I could see it took all his willpower to pull away. But I didn't want him to pull away, I wanted his lips on mine, I wanted to feel his touch on my body, I just wanted him and only him._  
_"I'm not t-" Patch put his finger on my lips so I would stop talking._  
_"Angel," He exhaled a sigh and kissed my forehead. I felt like crying. Like curling into a ball and dying.  
I felt rejected._

_How could he do this to me? Reject my first time..? Did he know it would be my first? Was he even planning to..._

_I ran upstairs pulling away from Patch and slammed the door behind me in my room. I heard him calling my name after me, I locked the door and softly cried in my bed. I didn't even know why I was crying, it felt stupid that I would even consider this with him. Patch probably had sex with many other people which in a way disgusted me but scared me too. What if we were about to...and then I wouldn't know what to do? I would just lay there while he does anything he pleases to me, Would it hurt? Apparently it does._  
_"Nora come on, open up." Patch knocked on the door gently, I knew he could hear my cries and I could hear his sighs but I didn't move from the bed and he didn't move away from the door.  
"Angel, please. I'm sorry, I just..." He trailed off without saying anything else and I desperately wanted to know what he had to say.  
"'You just' what?!" I snapped at him. I knew I sounded harsh but I didn't care, I just wanted to know why he pulled away.  
"I didn't want to hurt you. Nora you have no idea how hard it is for me, not to kiss you all day long, to resist touching you, I just don't want to hurt you. N__ot that I don't want to do this with you because I really do." I swear I could of sworn he was possessed. Even that little speech from Patch was a tad too deep.  
__"You should of told me." I said wiping my tears away and slowly moving towards the door which I sat down on the floor next to and sighed loudly.  
__"Open up." Patch said yet again and this time I did. Not bothering to stand up from my position I blankly looked down some tears still on my cheeks and my eyes red from rubbing the previous tears away.  
__He kneeled and and took my hands into his. I still didn't want to look up but when I felt his lips on my neck I couldn't help but moan softly. I felt Patch pulling away yet again and an escaped tear ran down my cheek.  
__"Hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere, Angel." I finally looked up to see Patch still in his Batman boxers which made me let out a small laugh. "Is there something funny I should know about?" Patch raised his eyebrows and smirked teasingly.  
"Patch..." I trailed off not knowing if I should carry on my sentence. I was scared, my heart was pounding, I didn't know what to do.  
"Yes?" He asked looking straight into my eyes. I just sighed and stood up.  
"What if I told you," I took a deep breath and then let it out. "I wanted it too? What if I told I would tell you to stop if it hurt but I still wanted it..?" Patch ran his hand through his hair slightly nervously then shook his head a little.  
"Nora, you know I can't feel anything," I hated that. I hated it that when I kissed him he couldn't feel any of it. I knew he could feel emotions and all that but nothing physical. "...I don't want you to lie to me just because you don't want me to feel guilty." I nodded softly biting my lip nervously thinking that he was actually considering this.  
"If we do this you have to promise me you'll tell me immediately if you are hurting. Is that clear?" I nodded again and just like that I was pushed against the wall with Patch's lips attacking my neck. I let out soft moans nearly closing my eyes.  
"Moaning already?" Patch teased me. I hated when he teased me, it was so annoying. I didn't reply just relaxed and was about to pull him closer to me by his shirt although I remembered he didn't have one.  
I jumped up (which took him by surprise because the expression on his face said 'Wow, I didn't see that coming') and I wrapped my legs around his waist and now I was the one in control.  
"Damn, Angel. Where did you learn those moves?" I smirked and blushed at his comment. I felt his hands move under me and I tried not to jump slightly surprised.  
"Sorry..-" Before he could say anything else I kissed him with passion wanting more of him, feeling the warmth of his body on my skin. Within a second I was on the bed with Patch in between my legs, his body fitted perfectly with mine and he slowly unclipped my bra strap. My face was red with blushes because of the way he stared into my eyes.  
"What?" I asked looking at him. 'Please don't stop, please don't pull away...' I said in my mind.  
"You're just so beautiful." This made me blush even more than I was already blushing. I bet my face was as red as a tomato.  
I took a risky decision and pulled Patch closer to me by his Batman boxers. When I felt his hot body press against mine the tiniest of moans escaped my lips. Patch half smiled, that sexy lazy smile of his pressed against my lips as I slowly pulled his boxers down. I hesitated before bringing myself to look down, damn, he was big._

_"Anything wrong, Angel? We can stop if you don't feel comfortable. You know I'll understand." I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck. Patch let out a sigh and I whispered in his ear "Prove to me that you're Batman." He chuckled and nibbled on my earlobe. I wanted him to kiss me, touch me but I wouldn't admit it, I couldn't._  
_"You shouldn't have said that, Angel." He smirked and slowly started to tug on my underwear, not pulling it off, just tugging on it asking for permission._  
_"It's okay." I told him although I was so nervous I was sweating already, plus his body was boiling warm._  
_"Okay?" Patch asked me softly brushing his lips above mine smoothly._  
_"Okay."_  
_This reminded me of Hazel and Augustus from The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Augustus would always call Hazel by her first and middle name, a nickname of his for her, something like when Patch calls me Angel. Hazel would always be a sarcastic girl who tried to live her life however couldn't due to her cancer, she was my insperation, I always admired her even though she was fictional. Hazel and Augustus would always say 'okay' as their symbol, their word, theirs and only theirs. 'Okay' was the word that would make everything simply...okay for them. A word that whenever they felt insecure they would say to each other and make things truly okay. I imagined me and Patch as Hazel and Augustus; Augustus The Boy Who Survived Cancer and has to deal with only one leg now due to the side effects of his cancer, which comes back and haunts him afterwards and Patch the Fallen Angel Who Fell and now has to deal with the consequences of never being able to come home in addition he is also haunted by his past, by what happened to him._  
_I'm not exactly sure how me and Hazel are the same though, yes we both fell in love with a guy who we knew we shouldn't have fell for but... Hazel because she knew she was dying and didn't want to get too close to Augustus because she didn't want to break his heart when she died and me because I didn't want to fall for someone who seemed dangerous and a trouble-maker who would most likely just use me however he didn't, Patch didn't use me, I fell for him even though I knew I shouldn't have, maybe that's what me and Hazel have in common. Falling for someone that would either break our hearts or we will break theirs. I just didn't know anymore._

_I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't notice Patch speaking to me and trying to shake me out of my own imagination._  
_"Uh..yeah, sorry..I was just..er...yeah..." I spoke rather quickly and sighed loudly afterwards._  
_Patch raised an eyebrow looking at me then kissed my neck biting on it gently, I think he was trying to give me a hickey._  
_"Hey!" I pulled him away from my neck and bit my lip so I wouldn't laugh at him._  
_"Oops." He winked and smirked. I raised my eyebrow not knowing what he meant by 'oops' and then I realised exactly what he meant. He marked me! I checked my neck in my small mirror next to the bed stand which was close enough to my bed and sure enough there was a hickey, not a small one either, a rather big one but I could hide it with a scarf. I gave Patch a cold glare and he stuck his tongue out childishly. I liked this Patch; The childish, carefree Patch. He seemed even more fun than the Patch I already knew._  
_"I so hate you ri-" And just like that I was cut off by him yet again. His lips pressed against mine hard and his hands travelled around my body, I thought that this couldn't be real, that this had to be a wonderful dream but I wasn't stupid, he was teasing me and I wasn't going to let that happen._  
_I felt Patch position himself on me and my heart started to rise, he fitted perfectly in between my legs and I fit wrapped my legs loosely around his waist. Patch let out a groan and I was just about to moan my mouth when he kissed me, it felt like a worried kiss, a kiss that he didn't want to end. I didn't pull away but wanted to due to the uncomfortableness that the kiss gave me. After a minute or two Patch finally pulled away and gave me the 'Ready?' look. I nodded nervously and felt Patch start to pull away from me, he was insecure about this, about hurting me but I immediately pulled him back._  
_"I'm ready." I said as confidently as I could. Patch shook his head and I let out a sigh._  
_"I knew it. I should of just told you to go home." I mumbled and looked away. I glimpsed over at Patch over my shoulder and for the first time ever he didn't hide his emotion on his face, he looked guilty, he felt guilty._

_All of a sudden Patch turned me over and got kissed me softly and gently, like I was a baby he didn't want to drop or a fragile feather._  
_"You have to promise me you'll tell me if I hurt you, Nora you have to promise me." My eyes widened like an owl, I couldn't help but smile and kiss him all over, giving him a kiss attack. But Patch pulled me away with a serious look. "Promise me." I was going to kiss him but he turned away. I sighed and nodded looking at him._  
_"I promise.." I wasn't quiet sure if I wanted to tell him if he hurt me, What if it did hurt and I told him? Would he never do it again? I didn't want to be the type of person who only had sex once in her life, but I didn't want to have sex everyday, I didn't want to seem like a slut or a whore._

_"Nora, open your legs." I felt awkward, my face was burning hot and I tried not to seem too nervous. I did as I was told...kind of. I opened my legs just a little, barely even. Patch grabbed my thighs and messaged them. He slowly and gently messaged my inner thighs, I trembled with the feel of his hands on my body and inhaled a deep breath trying not to moan._  
_I felt Patch position himself on me again. I felt the tip of him at my entrance and bit my lip so I wouldn't moan, it was too early to moan and I didn't want to sound desperate._  
_"For a Fallen Angel you sure are hot. Too hot." I smirked and started nipping on your skin from your neck._  
_"I try to be hot." He smirked back at me and cupped one of my breasts. I moaned softly trying not to close my eyes but you were too much, too good._  
_"And if you want to do this, maybe we should listen to Coach on one thing: Protection." Patch smirked again and sat up slightly on me._  
_I totally forgot! Thank god that he remembered, if he didn't the consequences would of been bad. I let out a deep sigh, I didn't have a condom nor was I on pills._  
_"Patch do you ha-"_  
_"Yes." I wasn't surprised that Patch had a condom with him, I mean look at him, who wouldn't want to...Uh..._  
_I waited till Patch came back, which took about five long minutes. "Hurry up!" I quickly covered my mouth. I sounded so desperate. What is he going to think of me?_  
_Patch came back about thirty seconds after I shouted for him to hurry up. "Someone was calling me?" I hid my face in the pillow and sighed loudly into it._  
_"Hey hey, It's okay. I knew you couldn't resist." I just rolled my eyes at his comment and pulled him onto me. I looked down and his condom was already on, I felt so nervous that my knees became weak._  
_"Ready, Angel?" He asked me, I could feel him at my entrance, I would terrified but didn't say anything._  
_"Y-Yes.." I said unsure of myself. Suddenly I felt Patch position himself against my entrance again, his tip slowly going into me. He wouldn't stop looking at me, his black eyes looked worried that he has already hurt me. But he didn't, not really. I wanted to close my eyes but I was far too excited to do so, I wanted to keep them open so that I could see what was happening to my body. It stung for a moment or two but he was barely in, I wanted him to just go into me fully and make the slight sting go away._  
_"I need to go further," He sighed loudly kissing me with as much passion as he could. "This will hurt, Angel." Patch took a deep breath and started to slid himself into me. It hurt like hell! I wanted to scream then and there but I didn't. "Angel, I'm barely in..." My eyes suddenly widened. 'Barely in...'?! Bloody hell! How big was he?!_  
_Patch then thrusted his whole length into me. It took some time getting used to his length and width, it felt awfully uncomfortable and I sort of wanted him to pull out. Within a minute the pain rushed into me. I quickly buried my face in Patch's neck trying my hardest not to scream. Patch quickly pulled me back, he looked at me and kissed my cheek gently._  
_"I shouldn't have done this. I'm so sor-"_  
_"Don't. Please don't." Patch was surprised I could see it in his eyes. I didn't want him to pull out, not yet. Although it hurt so badly I wanted to feel the pleasure that everyone talks about when they have their first time. Patch started to shake his head, I gave him a cold glare saying 'I swear, if you keep worrying I'm gonna slap you'. He smiled just a little and started to pull out. I thought he was going to fully pull out but I was wrong. He immediately slid back in. The 'in and out' motion. I moaned and moaned, close to screaming even. The pain was a long gone memory now and I relaxed._  
_Without a warning Patch slammed into me. I tightened so hard it hurt and Patch looked at me, his forehead sweaty a little but I knew he couldn't feel this, as much as he wanted to he couldn't._  
_"Congrats, Angel. You're not a virgin anymore." Patch said with a smirk then groaned a little as he looked down._  
_"I might not be able to feel but I still have eyes Nora. You need to relax." He kissed my forehead and grabbed my thighs, spreading my legs and then putting my legs on his shoulder. He kissed my ankle then travelled his lips down my inner thighs. I couldn't help but giggle, I was rather ticklish so any small touches could make me laugh. Patch noticed this and smirked his sexy and I'm-Going-To-Tease-You-Now smirk. He pulled my legs down and started to tickle my body._  
_"Patch!" I laughed trying not to moan as he started to gently slide in and out of me._  
_"Nora, You need to loosen up." He kissed me then picked me into his lap. I nearly screamed as he held me tight, I wrapped my legs around his waist and Patch started to thrust. One thrust...Two thrusts...Three thrusts. I finally screamed. I screamed his name over and over again. It felt so good, so amazing, I couldn't get enough of the pleasure. The pain was long gone._

_"PATCH! PATCH!" I screamed and screamed. Patch pinned me down on the bed going deeper into me, I held onto his back, my nails digging into his skin._  
_"NORA! NORA!" Patch mocked me and I stuck my tongue out which he played licked. I made a disgusted face and he just chuckled._  
_"I hate you right now." I rolled my eyes at him trying my best not to moan._  
_"Oh really? I would of thought you would say that after the teasing." My eyes widened at his comment._  
_"You didn't tease yet...?" I gulped. He didn't tease yet?! Oh I'm sooooo gonna die._  
_Patch started to trail his finger on my V-line. I moaned and moaned. I couldn't resist his touch._  
_He resisted the urge to mock me and slightly smirked. "God you're so wet Nora." He was wanting to tease me or make fun of me in some way, I could see it on his face. But since it was our first time...I think he would hold the teasing off for a bit._  
_My face turned absolutely bright red. "Oh my! Don't say that!" I felt so embarrassed . I knew that soon enough I was going to get mocked or tease...Probably both at the same time._  
_I bet my reaction caused him to smirk even bigger. "Why not? We're the only two here." And just like that he began to go slowly. I screamed yet again. I didn't like it slow. It was too teasing for my liking and I wanted him to go harder and faster._  
_"Beg." Patch whispered into my ear seductively and I did it. I begged._  
_"Faster! Don't you dare slow down! Patch harder!" And he did them. All of the things I told Patch he did it._

_About an hour later I was exhausted. I was too tired and was falling asleep in Patch's arms as he softly and gently moved in me in an 'up and down' motion. I closed my eyes several times but whenever I felt him close to pulling out I just grinded on him. I didn't want the feeling to go away. But eventually Patch started to stroke my hair and kissed my neck, not in a seductive way, just in a normal sweet way. He pulled out while I gasped tiredly. "Shh, Shh.." He softly and carefully put his shirt on me and layed me down on the bed, pulling the covers on top of me._

* * *

I snapped out of my little adventure to 'Memory Lane' and looked at Patch who was getting dressed. He put on some black jeans, a black shirt and white socks. _Perfect combo._  
He threw me a red polka-dot dress and I couldn't stop laughing. No way was I going to wear this for Gabe. HAHAHA! If he thinks he is EVER going to see me in a dress he's wrong! W-R-O-N-G!  
Patch rolled his eyes. He came over to the bed and pushed my on it. I moaned just a little, remembering the first time he did that. He took off my shirt, put on a red bra and then the dress. I was so drunk with the feel of Patch touching me I didn't even realise what he was doing. When I realised I was practically dressed, except underwear and tights I gave Patch a _cold, hard_ glare.  
"I hate you right now."  
"I love you too." He pecked my lips with a smirk. "Now get_ fully_ dressed. Gabe is waiting."

* * *

**IM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T WROTE IN AGES! I HOPE THIS _MASSIVE_ CHAPTER MAKES UP FOR IT! I LOVE YOU GUYS!**


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